MY ALMOST LOVER
by rmlawson78
Summary: Continuation of "Love Her"...Emily is on a downfall of never being able to obtain what is right there in the palm of her hands or is it the other way around is Derek just making excuses to keep them apart! Considering neither of them know how to speak up!
1. Chapter 1

**FIRST AND FOREMOST I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CHARACTER'S!**

**THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A LONG SERIES I AM HOPING TO START, THIS FIRST STORY WILL BE MULTIPLE CHAPTERS SO BE PATIENT. IF YOU NEED TO READ THE FIRST 4 (THOUGHTS FROM LONDON, BAU CALLING, MAKING A MEMORY, & LOVE HER) SHORT STORIES TO PICK UP TO WHERE THIS STARTS OR YOU CAN JUST WING IT! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!**

**MY ALMOST LOVER**

As I made my way out of the elevator in the center of what seemed like a chaotic mess of agents, files, and what was obviously the sight of two grown men taking swings at each other. I think it was then I realized I was moving in slow motion looking at the bloody mess that was displaying itself in front of me, with other agents trying to break up the two men, as I felt a myself being pushed out of the way seeing what looked like just a blue blur & a bunch of yelling men trying to break up the fight! As I approached closer I could tell that the bloody accosters must have been the latest of many of suspects we had brought in for a line up or something entirely different. What I did know for certain the two men managing to untangle the bloody mess was Mick Rawson & Derek Morgan, but before either of them couldn't really get them under control before they had both gotten banged up themselves as well.

I managed to make my way to my office to unload my things before returning down the hall to assess the damage and make sure everyone was alright, along with hoping to see him. It had been 9 days since he had left her doorway leaving her completely lost and confused! I had stewed my ever loving mind trying to figure out what he was meaning when he said "I see you have moved on"….what had I moved on from, God knows it was not him. I saw how he looked at me, how those eyes seemed to pierce my very being, I thought that night was going to end so differently just by those brief few moments. Oh, but how wrong I was…..once again my almost lover had walked away from me with such hurt in his eyes, making me wish I was still that damned ghost from not so long ago!

Amongst the chaos I seemed to have been foolishly thinking I could speak to him, but he had somehow disappeared from me once again! I ran into JJ while I asked her were the others where she pointed up to the conference room, I made my way up to the conference waiting room to see if I saw him there, but I was pulled back behind an opened door in the other direction. Before I could turn to see who had encompassed me I felt myself being turned around like a ragdoll only to be brought face to face with those fiercely penetrating eyes that had looked at me the same way every time he left me. My breath seemed to be caught up in some whirlwind of disbelief and want for this man to do whatever he desired to me, I was at his complete mercy. (I could see the slight cut above his left brow he had acquired during that little altercation, along with the faintness of bruises appearing around those beautiful warm chocolate eyes. I wanted to run my fingers tenderly over his face and kiss away every single grimace that appeared.) But what I had imagined saying & doing to him definitely did not proceed that way at all, what I could only get out was that you are hurting me & to let me go. He let loose of that death grip I do not belief he realized he had on me, but before I could make another move to say to him I wanted an explanation for the other night, but before I could say it he had done started walking away. I grabbed the only thing I could reach which was the back of his shirt to stop him before he could leave me in the wind again, as he slightly turned to look at me I said "for God sakes Morgan what the hell do you want from me"….he just looked at me with the one of the most bewildered looks simply saying "YOU". I hesitated making sure I had really heard what he had just said, but he turned away from me again walking to the doorway once more…I screamed for him to "STOP RUNNING FROM ME", he just stood there with his back still to me, but I guess I did not realize how loud I had screamed when Mick, Hotch, & Rossi all appeared in the doorway with guns aimed at the potential threat….Derek chuckled seeing these 3 in the door way & just turned slightly enough that I could hear him mumble out the words….."I should have known he would run to save you"….. The 3 men just looked at each other as he passed by looking at me like I had the answer I just shook my head rushing out of the room.

Half way back to my office I kept hearing a female voice saying my name with the clanking shuffle of heels to the floor…..all I wanted to do was get to my office shut the door and scream…"TO HELL WITH THAT DAMNED MAN"…..but my nagging follower had other intentions I sat at my desk with what possibly could have been the most tyrant face I could have ever made, so when I looked up at the breathless Garcia putting up one finger for me to give her a moment that's when I could not hold my tears back any longer.

**SO THAT IS THE END OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF MY ALMOST LOVER…..I KNOW NOT SO GREAT BUT I NEEDED YOU TO HAVE A MINDSET OF WHERE THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL LEAD TO ….I AM ALWAYS OPENED TO IDEAS AND THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ SO KEEP ME POSTED! **


	2. Chapter 2

**THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS SO FAR. I AM HAVING A HARD TIME DECIDING WHICH WAY I WANT TO TAKE THIS BUT HERE IT IS, THIS CHAPTER IS FROM DEREK'S POV.**

_CHAPTER 2_

Why can I not just walk away from that woman….she wears worse on me then any addiction could possibly be! I love her so much, but then again I am so tormented by her. Does she not see how much I want her, even need her, I crave her…..but she has to go off & be with that damned BRIT Mick! What the fuck does he have that I have not shown her…..oh wait I guess it should have thought of it before now, same thing that fucking Doyle had….it's that damned foreign mystic! Fuck I should have known it all makes since now….that's why she had to rush back here to this God forsaken country.

I couldn't keep from shaking my head walking out of that room….she really didn't get it, was I not clear enough on my feelings & intentions towards her? Every time I try to tell her, even show her she pushes me away. Maybe I am just a fool, maybe I have miss-read everything, maybe my want for her has blinded me into thinking she loved & wanted me as well. That explains it all…..but she still torchers my very soul into this frenzy of madness!

I need to figure out how to get through this case, & not have to interact with her or him as least as possible. You can do this Morgan….you've went this long without her, you can forget about her!

A FEW DAYS LATER…..Hey Morgan can we talk, Mick interrupts Morgan's train of thought going over the victim board in front of him! What the hell does he want, so much for me ignoring this whole situation? Yeah man, any new breaks in the case, I ask….Mick says no, but I think we need to speak in private, I give him a stern glare trying to figure out his game…..I do not need him telling me to stay away from his woman…..did I just say that his woman? (Please if you are up there listening right now GOD give me the strength to hold my tongue and not do anything I will regret!) I followed Mick into the very room I had just a few days ago made my vow in to walk away from, as soon as I walked through the door I could still see her & hear her words as if she had never left….(Mick just looks at Morgan wondering off into deep thought, thinking man he's got it bad!) I could hear the Brit speaking but his words where just a constant infraction to my wondering thoughts, I did not want to hear about him and her, I couldn't hear it, I wouldn't hear it, I turned to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, & that was all it took! Before I knew it I was swinging mid-air, but he dodged my punch, turning on me grab my other arm pressing me up against the wall…what the hell he might have been smaller framed then I but he could definitely hold his own I will give him that….no wonder she was even more drawn to him. (I guess I should of seen it he had saved her life on numerous occasions which I am ever grateful for, but so had I more than I care to count…..except for ONCE I let her die, I think I truly lost her then & never knew how to get her back) Mick with the most strain in his voice said you need to get a grip man….your losing it, you cannot let a woman get under your skin like this or you're going to get yourself killed or her one! I felt him slowly letting loose of me turning ever so slightly to look at his cold mysterious eyes….I said & how would you know anything about what I am feeling! With that horrible accented chuckle he gave me, ultimately making my fist ball up once again, he backed up ever so slightly glancing down then back to what must have been my tell all….he said man you are so totally enamored by that woman that you permeate from it! I just stood there waiting for him to go on, but he just shook his head, what the fuck did he want, was he going to tell me stay away from her, be a jealous boyfriend? What he said next I think never really sunk in until after he had walked out the door laughing at me!

**OK I KNOW THAT WAS SHORT AND DADADADUM….CLIFFHANGER KINDOF….BUT I PROMISE IT IS GONNG GET BETTER! SORRY FOR THE DELAY ON THIS THE NEXT CHAPTER SHOULD BE UP IN THE NEXT DAY! I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY!**


	3. Chapter 3

**WELL I PROMISEDTO GET THIS NEXT CHAPTER OUT QUICKLY SINCE I MADE YOU ALL WAIT FOR THE SECOND ONE! LOL…ANYWAYS I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY DO NOT GET TOO MAD AT ME!**

_**TWO DAYS LATER ON A WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON FLYING OVER WASHINGTON DC!….**_

I was trying to keep my thoughts to a minimum while I was slowly drowning my urge to pick up my cell & just call him, knowing that this was really a conversation the two of us needed to have in private. Garcia's words had completely floored me (Emily was pondering everything Garcia had told here a few days ago in her office about she had no clue she and Mick were an item! Emily corrected her immediately slowly realizing that is why Derek had been acting the way he was ever since that first evening in her office since the BAU had arrived…that explained his reaction at her doorway that night Mick had come to see Vanessa, & finally his reaction in the conference office a few days before. That crazy jealous man had it all wrong, & it was terrorizing her knowing that they could have been enjoying each other for the past month if only he would of quit being so bullheaded and just asked her outright…..but then again she guessed that was why he has always been her almost lover!) Along with him telling me all he wanted was me. As I downed my 8TH glass of scotch it burned at the pit of my empty stomach, thank goodness I was on a private flight to the states knowing if anyone from work had seen me this distraught pitying myself, it would definitively lead to an intervention!

I overheard the pilot saying we would be landing in 20 minutes, so I needed to situate myself accordingly to prep for landing. (One of the many perks of working for INTERPOL, private flights) I kind of chuckled to myself thinking I should have not agreed to fly back to take care of business so quickly before speaking to Derek, but I knew he was dealing with his on turmoil over the case & hopefully over me…..but then again I was hoping the last part was not interfering with the first part! The mere thought that he really suspected I was with Mick almost makes me want to choke that man….really I thought we had settled this discussion years ago in San Francisco when Derek showed his green-eyed monster then over Mick! Mick had become a great friend, but was more like an aggravating cousin who never knows when to leave well enough alone.

I guess when I stood to walk towards the stairs out of the plane I did not realize that 9th glass of scotch was 9 to many…..thank goodness a car was waiting for me as I exited the plane, however I did not expect the company inside the car to be none other than my own mother, given a slight turn of my jaw as I ran my teeth over my lower lip licking at what little savory taste of scotch that had been left made me wish I had just stayed in London. My mother nodded her head at me as I seemed to capture what little breath I could sitting down beside her, my mother chuckling at me saying I guess you took after your father by the way you smell of aged scotch & that wide-eyed doe look you gave me! I was flabbergasted…..what could I say, but maybe so!

(Elizabeth Prentiss was more apt to become a better mother figure to Emily, but for the moment the pure simple factor that she seemed to be following more in her father's footsteps infuriated the Ambassador more so than anything) Emily I did not mean to interfere with your time here in the states, but I knew this was the only way to have a moment alone with you before anything happened that I would regret! I looked at my mother trying to read something in her eyes, but she had several years on me with the whole static face of never revealing anything unless it was warranted….I slowly asked as tactfully as I was able to considering I was working on a terrible headache that seemed to only multiple by every sound and move I seemed to make….if it were not for these tinted windows & shades that I seemed to finally reprise out of my bag so she could not see the torment in my eyes. I finally got the words out "WHAT DO YOU WANT MOTHER"…but apparently those where not the correct words, because just like a child my mother gripped my face pulling off my shades turning my aching head to look straight into her eyes, and then I saw it "FEAR"…..something I do believe I have never ever seen in all my 43 years of living! Could it be possible that she was more human than I ever thought…could there actually be something that scared ELIZABETH PRENTISS this badly that she needed to almost rip my face off to worn me?

I guess she realized she had my attention when she saw the tears starting to run down the sides of my cheeks, letting me go she finally let a long breath go that I think she had not realized she was holding in to just turn and look out at the passing scenery as we headed into DC. I said…."I was Sorry"….but in my mind I didn't really know what for! She turned back looking at me sighing with what could possibly be the most worried look on her face saying Emily it's TIME! Just by those words alone my world just stopped I couldn't breathe, I couldn't even think….I had wished to God I was never going to hear those words ever spoken, but somehow I should of known when that call came to my attention yesterday morning!

**OK I KNOW NOT WHAT YOU WHERE EXPECTING, BUT I PROMISE YOU ARE GOING TO BE SURPRISED….I AM OFF THE NEXT FEW DAYS FINALLY SO I HOPE TO GET A LOT OF WRITING DONE AND NOT KEEP EVERYONE WAITING IN SUSPENSE! IF YOU HAVE ANY WANTS OR IDEAS LET ME KNOW…THANKS AGAIN FOR ALL THE REVIEWS AND LIKES!**


	4. Chapter 4

_**SORRY FOR THE DELAY…IT HAS BEEN A CRAZY FEW DAYS & MY WHEELS IN MY CRAZY BRAIN HAVE BEEN IN OVERDRIVE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW I SHOULD START THIS AND BE APPEALING AT THE SAME TIME! SO HERE IT IS LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! ONCE AGAIN I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CHARACTERS! I WISH THOUGH!**_

_**CHAPTER 4**_

_**TUESDAY BEFORE FLYING OUT TO D.C. AT INTERPOL…..**_

I had made my mind up this morning that before the day was out I would be in DEREK MORGAN's arm's one way or the other, after clarifying some very inconspicuous facts needing to be corrected! Even now as I think about it I cannot help but laugh!

I thought that this day was going so well….so far I had a smooth ride in no traffic although I was running late, I had already had 2 cups of latte's with a toasted bagel, after arriving at the office I for once had not walked into a mess or fighting, I had signed off on about 6 reports while starting another, so by the time I was about ready for lunch (2pm in the afternoon in London) I should of known something would come up. When I looked at the caller ID while the phone was ringing my heart raced ever so slightly looking at that number, then I thought this is about the case and when the two agencies' where going to wrap this up. So with the most pleasant of voice's I said: Director Emily Prentiss "how can I help you"…..the voice on the other line was one I was quite familiar with unfortunately! Director this is Senator Cramer from the States Department, I hope I have not caught you at a bad time, but I need to discuss some matters that have been brought to my attention, about the chain of command….. (I had a little apprehension that maybe this could be still about the case, but was leaning towards this was about Chief Section Officer Strauss' s untimely death and refilling her position. It had been almost 5 months since she had passed & I knew the position had not been filled, hence that was why Hotch had been acting Officer while Morgan had been filling Hotch's shoes as well up until they had come to London almost a month ago.) My apprehension I guess had shown in my hesitant breath I had given to Senator Cramer, I managed to speak finally saying no Senator I always have time for you! The Senator said please do not flatter me Miss Prentiss…..I gave a faint laugh, sighing to say what can I do for you!

The ending of our conversation had ensured I would be on a plane within the next 24 hours to D.C. for a meeting with the Heads of Senate, FBI, & Interpol Directors in Washington as well for a council meeting on filling the position which needed addressing immediately. The thought had crossed my mind that maybe I was in for running for this position, but also wondered why the job was not officially given to Hotch or hell even Rossi….given the recent political agenda's going on in the U.S. in reference to political reforms that I assumed was not going to go very lightly, considering the Commander in Chief in office with his uproar in foreign affairs as well as government/agencies worldwide being scrutinized for faulty scams and handling of military affairs! I could not help but not be utterly disgusted now that I would have to put off my conversation to Derek till I had returned back, or hoped that they would wrapped the case up before I left the states & I could speak to him here during his downtime, which then could possibly lead to him being my lover instead of my "Almost Lover"….AWE just the thought of him sent chills down my spine!

_**WEDNESDAY ON THE RIDE TO D.C. WITH HER MOTHER….**_

My total & utter shock I am sure was on my face as my mother had said "IT's TIME"…..I think almost gave me a heartache, knowing that the words she was about to say could not have come at any more of a worse time for me personally & professionally considering how tomorrow's meeting went with the powers that be went.

(As I watched the D.C. skyline come into view my thoughts raced backed to that night spread out on that warehouse floor with Derek begging me to not let go….to just hold on….he kept telling me how proud he was of me & that he loved me! YES I did know he loved me but it was a little too late since I was dying in his hands as everything started fading. I could tell my mother was talking to me but I kept reeling in my mind those memories of my death & rebirth….what a hell of a time too have to think about this, I was in no position nor place to in my life to give up everything again. I guess my mother had realized I was not paying attention to her discussion and she pulled at my arm to get my focus back.) She said Emily do you not realize the opportunity you have here to further advance your career…I just looked at her funny what has she talking about how was this going to further my career, if anything it was going to hinder it if everything came crashing down like it was apparently going to after everything came to light! I snapped back at her wanting to know how the hell this torment was going to help my future! Elizabeth just looked at her daughter with the most shocked face, almost laughing…..she told her Emily dear I am not speaking of that time by no means, that has been taken care of with the utmost care…..My thoughts wondered off again trying to blur all of those events that took place over those long excruciating months of my so called "DEATH"! EMILY…. EMILY….EMILY….listen to me instead of wondering off, you need to focus on tomorrow's meeting so that you get either of those 2 positions being offered….I quickly turned to look at my mother asking how do you know about that and what do you mean 2 positions? I was only aware of the Section Chief's position mother, and if we are not speaking of what I was thinking then why or how are these so called 2 position's going to advance my career? Well Emily as you can see I am not getting any younger & I will be handing my reins over in the next year, but your part in this is to get you back state side for the time being…..with you being over sea's & being considered a representative of the states in your position, it would benefit you to either take over the Washington Interpol office or Section Chief for the time being, until I leave my post within the next year or two! I say wait …wait a minute the Washington Director's position for Interpol is not open, or are you going to tell me something I probably should not even know?

By the time we had reached the Four Season's my mother looked at me wondering why I was not staying at her penthouse, since that is what I usually did if I had come back to the states for short visits….I started to speak, but she said this is just as well so it does not look conspicuous considering I am in town conveniently at the same time! I just chuckled as I started my exit out of the car my cell started ringing I dug through my bag as quickly as I could thinking here is my escape from my mother, but the ringing ceased as soon as I found it in my side pocket of my carry-on, looking at the missed call brought a pure smile to my face making my heart almost skip a beat…this phone call would most definitely be returned as soon as I walked got to my room!

_**OK I PROMISE TO GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP BEFORE THE WEEKEND AND LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS….THANKS ALWAYS TO ALL THE LOVELY "CM-CREW"!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**SORRY FOR **____**THE DELAY…I HAVE BEEN MULLING OVER THIS FOR DAY'S TRYING TO THINK OF WHERE TO GO NEXT WITH THIS OR IF I WANTED TO SKIP AHEAD A LITTLE, BUT ULTIMATELY I CHOSE TO JUST GO DAY BY DAY! HOPE YOU ENJOY IT! **_

_**CHAPTER 5**_

_**THURSDAY MIDDAY AT QUANTICO, VA….**_

I took a long drag off my cigarette I had just lit only to be interrupted by the voice behind me asking me if he could join me….Senator Cramer I am sorry I didn't see you there, _**"I just needed a break from the stuffiness from all that bullshit those suck-ups are trying to feed me!"**_ Had he just said that to me, I didn't know rather to laugh or just nod! I took another drag regained my thought saying I assume you hear this a lot in your position concerning these matters? He took a second look at me frankly while taking a long drag on his cigar which reminded me of Rossi for some reason….he finally spoke up asking me why I had declined either of the positions, that he thought a move back to the states was ideal for my career & also for personal life! I really didn't know what to make of his upfront jester he was making, but secretly I had discovered my mother's informant…..with as little sass as I could muster I told him although the offer is very gracious at this point & time I thought it would be better for myself and my team if I did not abandon them for my own selfishness! His discern look made me kind of uneasy, but I continued by saying I assume I should make my way back in before I get summoned…..as I walked by he grabbed my arm leaning ever so lightly towards me to say: I am telling you that you need to reconsider our offer, but I cannot say I understand why you are not, considering matters of undisclosed documents, along with things landing in the hands of the wrong people! I shook free of his grasp walking as fast as I could not wanting to glance back, although I could not help but glance slightly as I turned the corner seeing his eyes where still upon me! SHIT…SHIT…SHIT…I kept saying under my breath I knew this was too good to be true, not looking where I was going while I was wrapped up in my own inner battle I ran into Clyde Easter, even though I had managed to stay clear of him all morning he gave me a look of a man who had just won a prize! He was shaking his head saying I knew you loved me way more then you ever admitted; I glared like the devil at him before he could finish the words about to come out of his mouth! He was the reason I was in this whole fucking mess from the beginning…well I am partly to blame…but if it were not for him and his incisive need to put me in that whole damned DOYLE nightmare!

I had made my way back to the conference room hoping to goodness that I could be dismissed since I had declined the offers to reside in my current position, when I had managed to make myself comfortable & slightly scanning the room for any sights of an ending to this chaos of boring political debates or should a say parade of "ass-kissers" to put it more lightly…..ultimately 3 hours and 18 minutes later I found my way out to my rental in search of the nearest bar! Lord if this is what the states where doing to me in less than 24hours then it is a good thing I chose to keep my post…. (Between going through a whole pack of cigs, a whole bottle of scotch, & now 4 shots of tequila in less than 24 hours of arriving in the states) finding out later while I realized I was in no shape or fashion going to be able to drive I called for a cab. As soon as I had told the cabby where too I had noticed that my cell had a flashing light, "OH SHIT"…..I had turned the volume off this morning & had forgotten to turn it back on, as I looked I saw I had 22 missed messages. Scrolling through the missed calls I saw not a single one was from Derek, that they were mostly from Vanessa, 2 from my mother, 4 from Mick & 1 from Garcia….I would be lying if I didn't feel a little crushed that there was not one from him!

I paid the cabby, making my way to my room, as soon as I closed the door I chucked my heels, stripped myself down to nothing but my undies & black fitted slip heading straight for the wet-bar (Perks of a penthouse room) poured myself a glass of gin without thinking just turned it up like no tomorrow…..God what have I gotten myself into…..what was I thinking by sending him that message…I guess the only sane thing I had done was chosen to stay in London! I poured myself another glass while just grabbing the remainder of the bottle, I walked slowly towards the en-suite master-bath looked at the jetted tub then looked at the stand alone walk in shower surrounded in mosaic tile knowing that I could keep myself from drowning by just sitting in there, instead of soaking!

What the hell was that dreadful noise, I swatted at the offensive noise only to realize it was my cell alerting me to a message…I managed to stretch my unclothed body to reach for the offending noise maker to see it was 1:36pm the next day….holy shit I had slept half the fucking day away…..! I swiped the security bar over to see who had left a message seeing DEREK MORGAN's number I hesitated before opening the message….why had he waited a day & a half to respond? (When I had returned his phone call Wednesday night after listening to his message saying _**"Hey Beautiful I guess I have been a damned fool, we need to talk as soon as possible….I hope to see you soon, I will be by when Hotch relieves us for the evening"…**_When I had returned his phone call I only got his voicemail, so I said: _**"Hey Derek, I agree we most definitely need to talk, however I will be out of town for business until the weekend, but hopefully we could find the time then to discuss everything in private….I hope to see you soon as always"**_….I knew telling him what my reasons where for being out of town could only cause false hope or ruin things….however at the time I definitely had no idea what was really about to take place except for a few hunches)…..!

As I opened the message I was trying to focus on the words I was reading…not really sure I saw what I was reading or not! I was hoping this was a simple misunderstanding or maybe just not his full message…..but it simply read: _**I SEE YOU HAVE DECIDED OUR FUTURE WITHOUT ANY DISCUSSION, D….**_

_**WHAT DO YOU THINK HE MEANT? THANKS ALWAYS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT AND KEEP LEAVING ME MESSAGES ALONG WITH IDEAS…..LOVE YA ALL!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**OK I KNOW I LEFT THE LAST CHAPTER AT A STAND STILL, BUT THIS CHAPTER IS GONNA BE A LITTLE MORE INTENSE EXPLAINING SOMETHINGS ABOUT EMILY, HER MOTHER, & SENATOR CRAMER'S SECRETS. I HOPE YOU ENJOY, ONCE AGAIN I DO NOT OWN CRIMINAL MINDS OR ITS CAST. THANKS A BUNCH, ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THOSE GUEST REVIEW'S IT MEANS A BUNCH TO ME!**_

_**CHAPTER 6**_

_**SPRING & SUMMER 2011….. (DOYLE, PARIS, & THE DEATH OF ME)**_

I am begging you Ian please don't do this, I can be Lauren again if you want me to be, but please don't make me do this right now….."_My Love You Took Any & Everything that EVER MATTER TO ME"…_his words reverberated across my mind I wanted to just make him stop but I wouldn't tell him were Declan was. I couldn't give him up, because that would only mean I would have to give up one of my greatest secrets I had kept for 6 long excruciating years, I knew I had made the right choice at the time, but sometimes….just sometimes at moments like these is when I wish I had killed him all those years ago!

As I took my beating all I could do was think how did I ever let myself fall in love with this man….God how sick in the head I'm I? If the truth to be known I still love him, I cannot even explain…..his touch sends scorching flames through my entire body driving me out of my mind. But not the kind of flames he used to send by his touch, how can I think of that at a time like this?

"_Let Me Go…Please just Let Me Go, Morgan"…_This wonderful man begging me to stay with him, who I know loves me & if I admit it to I love him more than I ever realized, who would stop the world for me if he could! I cannot hold on anymore, like he wants me to I cannot live through the lies anymore…..I have laid all my truths that I could possibly allow without harming anyone else upon the table. As I feel the cold darkness surrounding me, my eyes so heavy from my own oblivious pain I have caused destroying everyone around me!

When I woke up I felt as though I was in some whitewashed medical hell…..within a matter of 24 hours of coming to the realization I was not dead, I was unable to barely move, I was told I would have to go through at least 3 more surgeries before being done, & Oh the biggie "EMILY PRENTISS IS DEAD"….to find I was a Jane Doe was to put it mildly! To find you need someone, that you need to call someone, that you need that warmth to comfort you, but all there is are these walls you surrounded your life with of lies! What I had tried to be forever "ALL ALONE"…..well hell now I was beyond all alone! I had never in all my life just wanted to go home & be embraced by someone…mainly that someone who not 2 months ago begged me to live! _"I've fallen through…..you were the one hurting, but I was the one needing saved!" _Why could I have not said that to him when he asked?

I knew that my family or shall I say my team now knew more about me than I could have ever imagined telling them to their faces, oh what they must think…..when JJ had brought me my documentation less than a month ago, she said everyone was coping, not well…but they were coping. Those last 4 months I spent in Europe should have been a lesson learning time, considering that I never knew if I would ever be able to come back, but in truth I did not learn. Here I was again playing Miss CIA agent again tracking Doyle, as best as I could following the paper trail or shall I say the money trail! Even though my mother knew I was alive she had tried to help as much as she could without contact, however not knowing at the time her helper would ultimately be the one trying to end my demise, along with trying to bring down the BAU as well. This same man that would end me, also kept one of my greatest secrets to hold over my head at any given time….. (Senator Cramer I do believe was the devil in disguise…although he was just a dirty politician during those years at the pentagon when I had returned back to the states after my undercover stint with the CIA/INTERPOL to bring down Doyle; he was also a blessing in sheep's clothing! For everything he had done along with the strings my mother pulled on tightly across the globe, I still somehow felt as though I was that 15 year old girl again, but the consequences were way greater this time around then before! )

When I had arrived back in D.C. after all those months, all I could think about was Declan's safety not my own…..in some sick universe I knew that Ian knew I was still alive…..we knew each other, we knew how each other thought, we knew each other on a level I had never let any other person know me, & now we knew each must save Declan. In the end my love died holding his sons hand, how would I explain that even more of my lies ended with Declan, how was I going to explain to this beautiful boy that my lying and deceit had put him in this mess! Although the most unnerving aspect of that whole ordeal as I sat on that runway holding Declan was I knew that another chunk of me had just died their…The Love…..The Hate…..The Lies….& this thing I had become!

The team had welcomed me back as much as they could possibly do without crumbling apart, even though I knew they really where never going to trust me again, nor would that worth of the past 5 years of bonding ever really grow strong again…..I had broken them with my lies & now wished even more so that I had died on that warehouse floor! I learned to not look in their eyes, because the hurt as well as the betrayal was there always, no matter how much they masked it…we were profilers we knew each other way to well, but this time I was on the outside looking in! They had moved on rather they had realized it or not, while I was trying to make up for 5 years of lies. So as I do best I retreated slowly at first then I couldn't run fast enough…..so when Clyde's offer came to run INTERPOL I couldn't wait to jump at the opportunity. I knew I would be doing the same thing to them all over again…."_I would be leaving….no I would be running like always….I just couldn't grin & bare the pain I contributed to them anymore…..I knew if I withdrew the reason for their suffering then all could go back to as though I was dead again when they were coping & not having to worry what other lies I would bring to their lives.."_

_The real lie I was running from was the one that had followed me across an ocean and back again several times….I had forged, along with falsified government documents during the whole Doyle investigation before my time at BAU in hopes that this life I was protecting from my lies could be saved to bring forth a new beginning in our life as EMILY not LAUREN! _

_**I AM NOT REALLY HAPPY WITH HOW THIS TURNED OUT BUT I HOPE YOU CAUGHT THE SUBTEXTED THAT I THROUGH IN ESPECIALLY AT THE END WITH "OUR"…..STAY TUNED & LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT! XOXOXOXO**_


	7. Chapter 7

_** SO THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS….I KNOW YOU ALL ARE GETTING UNNERVED WANTING TO KNOW WHATS GOING ON! LOL…..PLEASE KEEP READING YOU WILL GET IT ALL VERY SOON!**_

_**CHAPTER 7**_

_**THE WEEKEND…..**_

_Baby Girl…..This is not any of your concern, anything that is going on with Emily is none of my concern, she made it very clear where her heart lies when she turned those positions down to stay in this God forsaken country!_ "Dammit Derek….would you just listen to me!" ….I think by what my sources say & something that I accidently came across earlier that Emily is only doing this to protect someone or something…..Senator Cramer is involved which is only hindering my search on this topic! _What topic are you friggin' talking about Pen?_ Well it is pretty much a lot of red tape Pentagon cover botch-up….but just like with her Lauren Reynolds file a lot has been blacked out. However if what I am seeing is correct…OMG DEREK! ON NO PLEASE_! What Pen, what are you, please tell me I am not seeing what I think I am seeing?_ _Please tell me that is just a picture of Emily as a child?_ Sweetie I wish I could but with those cerulean blues are something I cannot even change, I think we just uncovered a whole other side …..but Derek this could be just a mistake…_No that is not a fucking mistake_….._That is definitely, yeah I guess that is definitely…damn…OH GOD Pen! _Derek you have to talk to her, this explains so much more, it explains why she fell even more apart after Doyle died, maybe that is why she came back here…maybe she wanted to be reunited or just have her baby girl with her without more explaining or cover-up of more political/CIA lies she has had to live with! Pen' even if I knew I could fix this I do not think she will speak to me…..after her last message that verified her true feelings! And what message would that be? Pen' I text her telling her "_I see you have decided our future without any discussion"….I think I sealed our fate! _How did she respond to this_…._What did she say?_ "basically that everything she had done has been to save everyone else, & that if I truly wanted her like I say I do that I would grow the FUCK UP & quit hiding behind whatever the hell I am afraid of…..she ended it by saying I know I have been very guilty of the very same damned thing, but that I haven't even giving her a chance to explain….she paused with a few sighs then said that she is done, she cannot do this anymore, she has nothing left nor care anymore to do this torrid fucking dance we have been doing the past 6 years!" _Oh Derek, I don't even know what to say….but in all honesty you need to get your mocha ass over their as soon as possible to sort this out regardless of how it ends! _I know, but she said she wouldn't be back from the states until sometime next week!_ Oh but my snookums' she arrived on Friday night, she didn't take a private jet back…JJ said when she went by yesterday during the middle of the day, that Emily was more out of it than she had ever seen her in all our girls nights out combined!

_**THE NEXT WEEK…DEREK'S POV to ROSSI**_

(Lord so much had happened I needed to speak to someone else besides my Baby Girl….before I spoke to her considering she would answer no messages nor was she even home, come to find out she had come back to this side of the pond but she was nowhere to be found. All I could get out of Vanessa was that she had flown in Friday night & left sometime around Saturday evening saying she would be back in the office next weekend to sign everything off from the past 2 weeks cases/reports. In the mean time we had finally apprehended our un-sub's after the longest month & a half case I had ever been on. We were due to fly back Friday morning, but all I could think about was I needed to see her….I needed to explain myself as well as hear her out, hoping to God it was not too late! )

Rossi, I just cannot willingly get on that plane this morning, not without seeing her! _Derek you two definitely made a mess of things, but maybe she is trying to make things easier by not being here, letting you know she maybe never really wanted this or is going to let this happen!_ Rossi man, why would you say that you have been the one encouraging me this whole time…..you have been the one who's called us out on this whatever this is all these years! _Derek I know but sometimes you have to know when to call it quits, she came back here for another reason, & clearly whatever that reason was she didn't plan on you being involved anymore. I really thought after JJ's & Will's wedding you 2 had figured everything out, God I had hoped so, damn all of us had hoped so…..that was the happiest I had ever seen you 2 ever! _I know man, but I didn't want to scare her or push her anymore, when we got to her condo the next morning after spending the best night of my life just getting to hold her….touch her….even though it was not sexual at all…just sensual…..just heartfelt…. It was all I could do to let her go that morning….we both wanted this to be more but content in just strolling around D.C without a care in the world…..just wrapped up in each other, I kissed her goodbye, telling her I wanted to take her to dinner that night, so we could talk some more, but she said she had to go to her mother's for a dinner & asked for a rain-check…what could I say but sure!

_Well Derek let me make some phone calls, we have some off time due & maybe I can figure something out for you…..all I am going to say is you will owe me if I can pull this off!_ Rossi man you do not have to do this…I can figure this out! _No Hotch will need some coaxing, but he will understand, & Garcia has a little birdie that says she can get you a place to stay to make sure you know when she is back, along with making sure she cannot run!..._What…what are you talking about? _Done, you have 8 days before you have to be back, & you will be staying at Emily's loft…..Vanessa has you a key, along with making sure you have a place to stay if your life gets threatened by the only woman I know that can kick your ass! _(With a slight chuckle & grin) Rossi, are you trying to get me killed or arrested….do you know how much that would please Mick Rawson & Clyde Easter to see me behind bars! _Hehehehe…oh boy you have so much to learn!_

_(Little did Derek know more than just the fates where trying to make these two happen, as with so many other times along this dark and ever uneasy path certain people with certain roles had been intricately helping put the puzzle pieces together for this union that even the worst horrors shake the sadness that seem to only loom upon these star crossed lovers…..whether they themselves knew it or not, they had the strength and love to hold on forever! After all isn't that how this started….MY ALMOST LOVER, is never going to just "Let it Be")_

_**THE END**_

_**OK BEFORE YOU GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A WAD…..THIS IS ONLY THE END OF THIS SAGA…..THIS SERIES WILL CONTINUE WITH A NEW REVELATION IN THE NEXT RENDITION CALLED ….. "**__Let it Be Me"….__**POSTING SHOULD START IN A FEW DAY'S**_


End file.
